It is 7:30 on a Tuesday night, you have just gotten home from work, and you are exhausted. The kids are waiting for you at the door. Dinner is on the stove. You really just want to take a shower and hit the couch. It is too late to play catch or start a movie. You know that connecting with your family is important, and connecting in a meaningful way is critical. What is the answer?
There is an old saying in business: Work smarter, not harder. Busy weeknights simply do not have enough time for a lot of activities, considering that dinner, homework, baths and showers must take precedence. So keep it simple; connections do not have to be going out for dinner and a movie. Here are a few simple ideas that will leave you and your family feeling plugged into each other no matter what night it is.
1. The Art of Conversation.
One of the most important skills that a parent (or spouse) can master is how to ask questions that draw people together, not create more space. More specifically, try to avoid “yes” and “no” questions, or any questions that can be answered in one word. Instead, ask open ended questions. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day?” which is most certainly going to be answered with “yes” or a “no” and require no eye contact, ask this question at the dinner table (with no cell phones in sight): “What were your two best moments today?” Just to keep things balanced, give your child or spouse a chance to vent: “Okay, tell me what went wrong today. I’m listening.” It seems simple, but the fact that a person is being listened to draws them in. Bonus tip: Listen for a detail that you can ask a follow-up question about.
2. Read to each other.
Obviously, this is something you can do with younger children, who will listen with open ears when you read to them. Reading does not have to be something only done at bedtime. In fact, using the promise of reading a story as a way of getting kids into their pajamas well before bedtime should not be underestimated. Reading can be done sitting on a couch, lying next to a kid in bed, or on a porch on a warm evening. You pick the location, the kid picks the book, and two people are connecting. If your child is old enough to read, let him or her pick a book at their level and ask them to read some of it to you.
3. Cook dinner together.
Ask your spouse if you can help him or her in the kitchen, or ask a child who is old enough to help you. Whether someone loves to cook or hates it, having another person nearby to grab something out of the refrigerator or open a container or peel garlic will create appreciation and connection. Even people who love to cook will welcome an assistant. (Sidenote: Prep cooks get assignments from the chef; do not complain, and definitely do not criticize or correct the person doing the cooking. Just help.) Doing something for another person, no matter how small, is one of the best ways to connect.
So the next time you get home and the clock says, “Almost-bedtime-o’clock,” do not feel bad. There are plenty of easy ways to connect at the end of a long, busy day. Put your stuff down, pick a family member, and put your listening skills to good work. Not every night is created equal, so lower your expectations a bit and remember, the weekend will be here soon enough.
If you have questions about long-term care coverage or how NPFBA can help serve you, feel free to reach out to us via our website, phone, email or schedule a zoom meeting and let’s grab some face time!
