Ah, retirement, every first responder’s not-so-secret fantasy. A life where your knees don’t ache from running toward chaos, and the only fire you’re putting out is on the backyard grill. But unless you plan better than a rookie writing their first incident report, you might find yourself working forever. Here are eight no-BS resolutions to help you retire like a pro.
1. Stop Counting on Winning the Lottery
Yeah, you’re just one scratch-off away from sipping margaritas on a yacht named Overtime Blues. Except you’re not. Even if you win, Uncle Sam will carve out his share, and you’ll still be left short. Contribute to your 401(k) or TSP instead. Unlike the lottery, these investments will actually pay off over time—assuming you don’t withdraw early to buy another tactical flashlight.
2. Liquidate or Downsize the Doomsday Gear and Get Ready to “Buy the Dip”
Listen, no one’s saying you shouldn’t be prepared for emergencies, but maybe you don’t need three bug-out bags and enough MREs to feed a small army. Instead, sell that excess gear and invest the cash. When the market takes its inevitable nosedive, channel your inner stock-market shark and “buy the dip.” Because nothing screams “secure retirement” like funding it with apocalyptic knick-knacks.
3. Figure Out What a Roth IRA Actually Is
This year, let’s tackle the mystery of the Roth IRA. Spoiler alert: it’s not an exotic new workout. It’s a retirement account that lets you grow your money tax-free. Do yourself a favor—Google it, pretend you’ve always known, and then go the extra mile and actually open one. Pro tip: bragging about your Roth IRA at the firehouse makes you sound financially responsible (and kind of smug).
4. Turn Overtime into “Future You Money”
Overtime is a double-edged sword. Sure, it pads your paycheck, but if you’re blowing it on gadgets and Gatorades, you’re doing it wrong. Instead, stash that extra cash into your retirement account. Or better yet, use it to double down on your long-term care coverage. Because trust us, Future You doesn’t want to depend on your old squad to carry you up a flight of stairs.
5. Invest in a “Nap Fund” & Plan to Retire Before Your Knees Do
Your knees have already filed for early retirement, and your back isn’t far behind. So, focus your retirement planning on the ultimate goal: freedom to nap whenever you damn well please. That starts with setting concrete goals. Vague dreams of “someday retiring” won’t cut it. Calculate how much you’ll need to live your best nap-filled life and start saving like your future depends on it—because it does.
6. Retirement Home Battle Plans
You don’t want to end up in a retirement home where the biggest excitement is pudding night. Start scouting options now. Pick a place with solid amenities, good BBQ joints nearby, and zero HOA Grinches. Bonus points if it’s close enough for your kids to visit—but not close enough for surprise drop-ins.
7. Stop Postponing the Pension Paperwork
You might be a paperwork ninja when it comes to incident reports. But when it’s time to lock in your pension benefits, you suddenly can’t find a pen. This year, channel that same meticulous energy into your pension paperwork. Get it done, file it, and then pat yourself on the back for ensuring a steady income stream in retirement.
8. Start Seeing a Financial Planner, Not Just a Physical Therapist
Sure, your shoulders might need more TLC than a busted-up squad car, but don’t forget your wallet needs a checkup too. A financial planner can help you make sense of investments, insurance, and all that fine print you ignore. Think of them as your “fiscal fitness trainer.” After all, a healthy wallet makes for a stress-free retirement—and less reliance on those scratch-offs.
Wrapping It Up (Before Your Knees Give Out)
First responders know how to plan for chaos, but retirement requires a different kind of preparation. It’s not about charging into a fire or chasing down bad guys; it’s about making smart, often boring decisions now, so you can enjoy a stress-free future. So, ditch the lotto tickets, rethink the doomsday stash, and get serious about your finances. Retirement isn’t just a pipe dream—it’s a plan away.
Oh, and one more thing before you hit the snooze button on planning—don’t forget about long-term care. Sure, it’s not as flashy as a new tactical vest, but it’s just as critical for protecting your future. If you’re in California, check out the NPFBA’s long-term care coverage, designed specifically for firefighters, law enforcement officers, and their spouses. It’s a smart move for peace of mind, knowing you’ll be covered no matter what curveballs life throws your way.
